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Saturday, November 21, 2009

CHAPTER FORTY FIVE: FOR THE LOVE OF A WOMAN




Written by: Rick Staggenborg, MD on Oct 28, 2009 7:28 AM PDT

This chapter is dedicated to my loving, wise and long-suffering mother. May God grant her soul the peace she never knew in this life.



I recently saw a cartoon in The Funny Times illustrating what life would be like without woman. It depicted two guys sitting in lawn chairs in a tropical paradise, drinking beer and watching sports on TV with pizza boxes spread all around them. I wish I could remember the caption, but the picture itself left an indelible image on my mind and reinforced my idea of the misplaced priorities of too many men. 

Of course the idea was ridiculous, since if there were only two men they would be at war with each other if history is any guide. They would have to be immortal to ever sit down together between fights. Even then, they would probably be fighting over the remote control while watching their fellow men simulate battle on the gridiron. More fundamentally, such a society would not be the happy one depicted in the scene.

I cannot imagine existence would have a point without women. What would be the motivation of men in such a world to invent TV, beer, football and pizza? If men did not have the love and comfort of women and the joy of raising children together, life would not be worth living. On the other hand, perhaps in the absence of competition for the most desirable mates there would be no purpose in war either. Work and material things would hold no interest for me without children and a family to share them with. 

A life of hedonism, especially without women, strikes me as a good description of Hell. Siddhartha was born into wealth and luxury and soon realized this as a young man. This was his motivation to dedicate his life to understanding its purpose and becoming Buddha, the enlightened one.

Woman in all her variety is the spice of life that gives it its wonderfully complex and delicious flavor to men. Even most gay men enjoy the company of women, unless their minds have been perverted by the anger and abuse of an unhappy woman with power over them in childhood. 

In America, women grow up in a world in which their ability to bestow physical pleasure on a man is coveted. This is their gift and theirs alone to both give and receive. It is also their curse because the covetousness, anger and at times psychopathy of men is the source of most of the pain women endure. This pain is most hurtful when it is experienced at the hands of their own fathers.

To be sexually abused in childhood is to experience potential soul death, even when the father loves the child. In this case his betrayal of their special relationship can be even more devastating, creating conflicts in the identity of the child at a critical stage of her development whenever it occurs. Such a betrayal is usually driven by desperate loneliness, even when the father has a loving wife.  

Sexual abuse is also the result of ignorance on the part of the father who fails to understand the importance of his role in nurturing his daughter’s development. The daughter's love of the father perpetuates his ignorance and her pain, as she will most often suffer in silence to please him and out of shame or fear of consequences to both of them.  More often than not she lives with pain and self-doubt until later in life. Only then if at all does the average woman risk re-experiencing her shame by telling a counselor or an especially trusted friend about the unspeakable acts she has endured.

It saddens me to think of the suffering of our women at the hands of men who fail to appreciate the gift of God in creating woman. Women bear the pain of childbirth willingly in order to experience the love of their children and the strengthening of the bond between husband and wife. Children are our only hope for a future worth striving toward. Giving them the future that they deserve is our burden. We will be rewarded in the end if we remain motivated by our love for the most defenseless among us. 

How sad that many men do not respect themselves enough to value their role in the perpetuation and advancement of our species. These lonely, unfulfilled and often angry men suffer their own Hell of a purposeless existence. As for myself, I never forget to be grateful for this gift, the miracle of sexual dimorphism and of life itself.








In the immortal words of  George Harrison:




Something in the way she moves
attracts me like no other lover.
Something in the way she woos me...


I don't want to leave her now.
You know I believe her now


Somewhere in her smile she knows
that I don't need no other lover.


Something in her style that shows me,
Don't want to leave her now.
You know I believe her now.


You're asking me will my love grow.
I don't know, I don't know.
You stick around now it may show.
I don't know, I don't know


Something in the way she knows
and all I have to do is think of her.
Something in the things she shows me,


Don't want to leave her now.
You know I believe her now.





Rick Staggenborg, MD


Coos Bay, OR

I had considered using I am Woman for the lead in video of this essay but thought it too dated. However, since it was my mother's favorite song, here it is:

4 comments:

  1. Bless you, Mike. This is a very loving and honest trubute. I am pleased that you think this way...

    ox Judy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for the compliment, Judy. I wrote it because I have always felt this way and because I have noticed that woman are much better at working cooperatively than most men. It was disappointing to find this true among progressive activists as well as the general public, but I have come to accept it as natural.

    It is hard for a man to appreciate the suffering of others when we do not have the responsibility of bearing the pain of childbirth.

    Many of us are socialized to keep our feelings stuffed so deep we forget we have them. Even worse, we may be conditioned at an early age to avoid touching, especially of men. My dad is a third generation German-American who still finds hugging a son very uncomfortable.

    My father has always been a loving man who is finding deep comfort at the end of his life in deepening his relationship with our creator. His love of family and fellow man touched me at an early age, increasing the deep empathy my mother gave me by virtue of my feeling in myself the severe suffering she experienced throughout most of her life.

    She lost her beloved father and protector unexpectedly at the tender age of six. This shook her world and she never fully recovered. Despite the deep love of her mother, she felt lost and lonely, looking for love from a man incapable of giving it. It was a blessing in disguise when he abandoned her and her five children.

    The separation enabled her to go on to find a man who understood the responsibility that a real man embraces with gratitude. He helped her raise these children and they had three more together. The family survived brother's traumatization in Vietnam and our own trauma as a result only because of the love they had for each other, everyone in the family and the world at large.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Awesome.. I've no words sufficients to comment.. is more 'nd more than wonderful!! Rick U are really a awesome man, kind talented, successful, great!! .. many 'nd many compliments to U, Rick, and God Bless U till to Ethernety, 'cause U really are a Diamond.. A diamond is forever.. my favourite soul.. Good Work and have a awesome success that U deserve!! ;D xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you, Carmine for your kind words.

    As I write in Chapter Eighty, I believe that we all have angelic counterparts in a higher realm of reality. It is the duty of each of us to look beyond the veil of the four-dimensional "Universe" that we perceive as reality and ask ourselves "What if our souls are eternal? What does this imply is our mission and purpose on Earth?"

    For me, there can be no answer than we are here to train ourselves and others how to live together so that we can understand how we are to conduct ourselves in this higher realm. IN the process, we can save the planet together if we work hard enough to change human consciousness in this direction.

    If I am wrong, what have I and others who believe this lost? We are still working to make a better life for succeeding generations.

    ReplyDelete

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